Funny insurance quotes

Insurance Quotes

BEST INSURANCE QUOTES

1st quote

"FUN IS LIKE LIFE INSURANCE; THE OLDER YOU GET, THE MORE IT COSTS." - FRANK MCKINNEY AKA “KIN” HUBBARD (1868-1930), AMERICAN CARTOONIST, HUMORIST AND JOURNALI

2nd quote

WHAT DOES FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS EVEN MEAN? DOES HE PROVIDE HER WITH HEALTH INSURANCE?" - SHELDON COOPER, CHARACTER FROM THE TV SHOW THE BIG BANG THEORY. JIM PARSONS (1973- ; PHOTO: AP) PLAYS SHELDON ON

3rd quote

"IF A CHILD, A SPOUSE, A LIFE PARTNER, OR A PARENT DEPENDS ON YOU AND YOUR INCOME, YOU NEED LIFE INSURANCE." - SUZE ORMAN (1954- ), AMERICAN AUTHOR, FINANCIAL ADVISOR, MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER AND TV HOST. (PHOTO: AP)

Top funny insurance claims 

The first 88 or so quotes are all around 140 characters or less – ready for Twitter 

A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.

A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.

After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in my favour.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.

Car had to turn sharper than was necessary owing to an invisible lorry.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven’t got.

Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.

First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car.

Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.

I am responsible for the accident as I was miles away at the time.

I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.

I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.

I bumped into a shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.

I can’t give details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time.

I collided with a stationary tramcar coming the other way.

I collided with a stationary tree.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way

I consider that neither vehicle was to blame but if either were to blame it was the other one.

I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight.

I had been driving for 40 years when I feel asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind.

I heard a horn blow and was struck violently in the back. Evidently a lady was trying to pass me.

I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.

I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.

I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.

I left my Austin Seven outside and when I came out later to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.

I left my car unattended for a minute, and whether by accident or design it ran away.

I misjudged a lady crossing the street.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog & smothered it with a blanket.

I remember nothing after missing the Crown Hotel until I came to and saw PC Brown

I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.

I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.

I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.

I told the other idiot what he was and went on.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.

I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.

I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road, causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof.

I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.